A zombies guide to bowling


If you are reading this article, chances are that you're human. With Halloween drawing ever closer, we as a society need to be prepared for the outbreak of zombies. According to researchers from Cornell University in New York, our cities will likely fall very quickly to the impending apocalypse.

Don't let this ruin your fun, though! You can still celebrate the spooky season even if your skin is turning grey and peeling, because ten pin bowling is a fun activity that creatures of all levels can get into. This is your handy ZONE BOWLING guide to bowling as a zombie, written in both undead and English so you can use it no matter your physical state.

Ungh, grrrrn, hrrrrr (How to bowl if you are undead)

Nnnnnnngh, braaaaaaains, uuuuuuungh. Huuuuuuhhhh, rrrrrrrr, braaaains.

As your eyesight begins to fail (or your eyes fall out), aiming is going to become a little tricker. However, common human bowling practice is to use the small line of arrows painted on every lane that show you where the pins are lined up. By rolling down the right arrow, you will be able to stay on target.

However, you don't just want to hit them straight on. According to Ungh Hngh Brainstralia (Ten Pin Bowling Australia), ideally you should hit the pins at an angle of 6-7 degrees. Any lower and you might deflect the pins too much, and thus not knock them all down. Any higher means your ball or bowling skull will charge straight through without getting the back corner pins. To correct a higher angle, step towards the centre arrow a little more. Do the opposite if you are under.

Booooo, uuuungh (Bowling tricks for zombies)

Grrrrnnnnnnnnnnnn, uuuuuuuuuuungh, braaaaaains, braaaaaaaaaaaaains.

Your local ZONE BOWLING centre is a perfect adult zombie party idea for this Halloween, as you can get 2 games of bowling and/or laser, 7 arcade tokens, shoe hire, a standard drink and a treat bag from 6 p.m. until midnight for just $25 (provided staff are still alive). There are also prizes for fancy dress!

To impress your new undead friends, we recommend trying these tricks:

  1. The Thing: Try detaching your hand, placing it on the ground with your ball and letting it steer your shot down the lanes.
  2. The Thing Two: Alternatively, send your hand up the lane to hide behind the pins, then have it knock them all down when your shot passes by.